One of the hardest tasks for many parents is figuring out exactly how much freedom is appropriate at various ages.
photo by J. Michel Carriere

Although vacations are a time to relax and have fun, your job as a parent never stops. One of the hardest tasks for many parents is figuring out exactly how much freedom is appropriate at various ages. In unfamiliar locations such as vacation destinations, it is easy to err on the side of caution, keeping your kids on a short leash to ensure their safety. At the opposite end of the spectrum, some parents allow too much freedom, which can lead to situations that the kids are not ready to handle on their own.

Low-Stakes Decisions

The buddy system is an especially good idea for preteens, but works well at all ages.

On vacation, you are not likely to see anyone you know. You are away from pressure and responsibilities, and so are your kids. Does it really matter if your child’s clothes match or if he eats ice cream for dinner one night? This is a great time to let even very young children practice making low-stakes decisions on their own.

From staying up late and being tired the next day to missing mini-golf night due to a sugar-induced stomach ache, kids learn best through experience. As long as you provide safe parameters, letting your kids take responsibility for relatively unimportant decisions helps them understand cause and effect.

The Buddy System

The buddy system opens up endless possibilities for expanding your kids’ freedom.
photo by Sharyn Morrow

If you have multiple kids, enforce a rule that no one goes anywhere without at least one sibling along. If you have only one child, consider inviting a friend whenever possible and insist that the kids stick together. The buddy system opens up endless possibilities for expanding your kids’ freedom.

If you trust your older kids or other adults in your group, encourage them to take even very little ones along sometimes. This exposes the younger child to other people’s rules, expectations and ways of doing things, while encouraging older kids to step up to a new level of responsibility.

By upper elementary school, most kids are ready to start ranging further with a same-age sibling or friend. Start small, by letting the kids go to the hotel arcade for an hour or ride an amusement park attraction without you. If they prove their responsibility, gradually increase the time span and range.

Middle schoolers are typically fine with the buddy system, even for several hours at a time, and most are equally self-sufficient even without a buddy. As long as you feel the situation is safe, resist the urge to keep a tight leash on an only child. Whether or not your kid has a buddy, set ground rules for checking in and for which locations are off-limits. Make sure they have a cell phone and ask them to call or text at regular intervals. Review how to get to wherever they are going, such as the hotel pool or a particular section of a theme park, and ask them to repeat it back to you before they leave. Of course, no one should ever swim alone. If your child goes to the pool without a buddy, insist that she swim only when plenty of other people are around.

By high school, the average teenager is highly self-sufficient. Many parents feel comfortable letting high school students roam independently on vacation, as long as they check in regularly. Use your judgment and common sense, and always make sure your teen has a cell phone and emergency money.

Breaking the Rules
Of course, kids test limits all the time, and vacation is no exception. Before giving your child freedom, clearly state your expectations and the consequences for not living up to them. Make sure that your proposed punishment is fair, reasonable to the situation, and easy to implement while on vacation. For example, taking away her cell phone also takes away your ability to contact her when necessary.

If your child breaks a rule, clearly and calmly state the infraction and give him a chance to explain. Transportation breaks down, shows run longer than planned and restaurants are sometimes slow. If the explanation seems reasonable, consider giving a warning for not letting you know rather than a full punishment. If you need to implement a consequence, do it calmly and matter-of-factly, and move on as soon as possible. Vacation time is precious, so don’t waste it arguing or holding onto anger.

Giving kids age-appropriate freedoms is challenging for many parents. On vacation, it can be especially tricky. Trust your parenting skills and your own judgment, and be sure to set reasonable parameters along with clearly communicated consequences for breaking the rules.

Dressing up in silly costumes is a great way to entertain kids.

Some families spend their vacation lounging on the beach. Others go hard sightseeing from early until late. No matter how active your family is, odds are good that at some point your kids will start whining about being bored. Keeping kids entertained can feel challenging, especially when you just want to relax, but advance planning can smooth the process.

New Stuff
It seems to be a fact of childhood that new stuff is always better than the things you already have. Play into this by purchasing some new toys, books, games, stickers and other small items in the weeks before your trip. These don’t need to be big or expensive, as the newness will make them exciting. Even dollar store items work well for most kids.

Divide the new stuff into small bags. When you know your kids are likely to be bored, such as on a plane or while waiting for a show to start, give them one bag. A fun idea for situations where you are sitting near other people at night, perhaps waiting for fireworks, is a bunch of glow sticks. They can pass some out to the kids sitting around them, breaking the ice with potential playmates.

Snacks
Time passes faster when you have something fun to focus on, so stock up on some playful treats. Of course, it’s always fun to try new things at your destination, such as lobster rolls in the Northeast or Dole Whips at Disney. Still, keeping a supply of snacks on hand keeps costs down and gives you something immediate that doesn’t require waiting in line.

If your family prefers healthy treats, search the Internet before your trip to find recipes for things that pack well. Many tourist destinations have worked hard to introduce healthier snack options, but they haven’t all caught up with today’s varied diets.

Games

Board games are a great way to wind down each evening.
photo by Peter Griffin

Dad and I recently spent a week in a condo with various friends and relatives. We took a variety of board games, which turned out to be a great way to wind down each evening. A deck of cards is easy to pack and extremely versatile. Even a pack of Post-It notes can turn into a fantastic guessing game.

Road trip games have been around for decades, and they are still a lot of fun in today’s always-connected age. Try looking for out of state license plates, playing the Alphabet Game, and other tried-and-true family fun.

Allowing some electronics time can make vacations run more smoothly.
photo by George Hodan

Electronics
Kids and electronics are a highly controversial issue, but there is no question that allowing some electronics time can make the vacation run more smoothly for both you and the kids. Set reasonable limits, such as requiring your child to spend a certain amount of his tablet time reading instead of playing games. Or turn it into a family bonding opportunity by plugging into the TV and watching a favorite movie or television series.

Imagination
Even in the digital age, imagination remains the most powerful boredom buster of all. Dress up in silly costumes. Make up games. Draw pictures. Tell a collaborative story in which each person gets one minute to give their contribution. It doesn’t matter exactly what you do, only that you stretch your imaginations together.

Journaling
Encourage your kids to keep a trip journal. Depending on their ages and interests, they might collect items for scrapbooking, draw pictures of the things around them, or write essays on what they did each day. Keeping a journal not only gives them something to do in the moment, but provides a tangible souvenir that is far more descriptive than photographs. It also helps them practice their powers of observation and hone their creative writing skills.

Making Their Own Fun

Kids are naturally creative, and usually entertain themselves.
photo by Peter Griffin

Not too long ago, kids were sent outside every summer morning to play until the street lights came on. While that isn’t a realistic option on vacation in today’s world, there is something to be said for allowing kids a certain amount of unstructured boredom. Kids are naturally creative, and they will eventually find a way to entertain themselves. Unless your kids are very small, don’t be afraid to retreat into your bedroom and instruct them not to bother you for an hour or two.