One of the hardest tasks for many parents is figuring out exactly how much freedom is appropriate at various ages.
photo by J. Michel Carriere

Although vacations are a time to relax and have fun, your job as a parent never stops. One of the hardest tasks for many parents is figuring out exactly how much freedom is appropriate at various ages. In unfamiliar locations such as vacation destinations, it is easy to err on the side of caution, keeping your kids on a short leash to ensure their safety. At the opposite end of the spectrum, some parents allow too much freedom, which can lead to situations that the kids are not ready to handle on their own.

Low-Stakes Decisions

The buddy system is an especially good idea for preteens, but works well at all ages.

On vacation, you are not likely to see anyone you know. You are away from pressure and responsibilities, and so are your kids. Does it really matter if your child’s clothes match or if he eats ice cream for dinner one night? This is a great time to let even very young children practice making low-stakes decisions on their own.

From staying up late and being tired the next day to missing mini-golf night due to a sugar-induced stomach ache, kids learn best through experience. As long as you provide safe parameters, letting your kids take responsibility for relatively unimportant decisions helps them understand cause and effect.

The Buddy System

The buddy system opens up endless possibilities for expanding your kids’ freedom.
photo by Sharyn Morrow

If you have multiple kids, enforce a rule that no one goes anywhere without at least one sibling along. If you have only one child, consider inviting a friend whenever possible and insist that the kids stick together. The buddy system opens up endless possibilities for expanding your kids’ freedom.

If you trust your older kids or other adults in your group, encourage them to take even very little ones along sometimes. This exposes the younger child to other people’s rules, expectations and ways of doing things, while encouraging older kids to step up to a new level of responsibility.

By upper elementary school, most kids are ready to start ranging further with a same-age sibling or friend. Start small, by letting the kids go to the hotel arcade for an hour or ride an amusement park attraction without you. If they prove their responsibility, gradually increase the time span and range.

Middle schoolers are typically fine with the buddy system, even for several hours at a time, and most are equally self-sufficient even without a buddy. As long as you feel the situation is safe, resist the urge to keep a tight leash on an only child. Whether or not your kid has a buddy, set ground rules for checking in and for which locations are off-limits. Make sure they have a cell phone and ask them to call or text at regular intervals. Review how to get to wherever they are going, such as the hotel pool or a particular section of a theme park, and ask them to repeat it back to you before they leave. Of course, no one should ever swim alone. If your child goes to the pool without a buddy, insist that she swim only when plenty of other people are around.

By high school, the average teenager is highly self-sufficient. Many parents feel comfortable letting high school students roam independently on vacation, as long as they check in regularly. Use your judgment and common sense, and always make sure your teen has a cell phone and emergency money.

Breaking the Rules
Of course, kids test limits all the time, and vacation is no exception. Before giving your child freedom, clearly state your expectations and the consequences for not living up to them. Make sure that your proposed punishment is fair, reasonable to the situation, and easy to implement while on vacation. For example, taking away her cell phone also takes away your ability to contact her when necessary.

If your child breaks a rule, clearly and calmly state the infraction and give him a chance to explain. Transportation breaks down, shows run longer than planned and restaurants are sometimes slow. If the explanation seems reasonable, consider giving a warning for not letting you know rather than a full punishment. If you need to implement a consequence, do it calmly and matter-of-factly, and move on as soon as possible. Vacation time is precious, so don’t waste it arguing or holding onto anger.

Giving kids age-appropriate freedoms is challenging for many parents. On vacation, it can be especially tricky. Trust your parenting skills and your own judgment, and be sure to set reasonable parameters along with clearly communicated consequences for breaking the rules.

If your child is creative, selling handcrafted items can raise some spending money.

A vacation is a time to kick back and enjoy some family fun, but it is also packed with teachable moments that are easy to implement. One of the biggest teaching opportunities on any vacation is money management. Unless you happen to be independently wealthy, every phase of your trip is filled with budgetary considerations. Involving your kids in an age-appropriate way provides vital lessons for the future.

Planning
The planning phase of the trip is arguably the most important financially. Where will you go, and for how long? How will you get there? Where will you stay? What about eating? Will you sign up for special tours and extra experiences? Although numerous factors go into answering these questions, there is no doubt that the budget plays a large role.

How to involve your kids depends on their ages and developmental levels. For toddlers, talk about your plans as you make them, and try to break complex topics into simpler categories they can understand. For example, you might talk about how you can go to the hotel pool as many times as you want, but the water park will cost as much money as 5 trips to your favorite fast food restaurant, so you can only go there once.

Elementary school aged children are old enough to get involved in basic decisions. For example, you might give a child this age an entertainment budget and have her look at your destination’s tourism website. Have her make a list of experiences that fit the budget, and then sit down as a family to choose the ones you will schedule.

By the time kids are in middle school, most are ready to take on some of the basic planning duties. If you want to go on a cruise, have your 12-year-old research the best prices online. Calculating gas costs for a road trip, choosing a hotel based on price and reviews, and finding coupons for restaurant meals are all well within the capabilities of most middle and high school kids.

Spending Money

Kids are never too young to start learning how to budget discretionary funds.
credit: Junior Libby

Kids are never too young to start learning how to budget discretionary funds. If your child gets an allowance, encourage him to start saving for the trip as soon as you decide to go. If not, find ways for your child to make money, such as doing chores around the house. Also consider giving cash for any birthdays or special events that fall before your vacation.

Shortly before your trip, add any additional spending cash that you want to give your child. Then have an age-appropriate talk about what the child’s spending money should cover. Obviously, you will provide the basics including meals. What about extra snacks, such as a box of popcorn or a bag of candy that only the child wants? Are you planning to buy souvenirs for everyone? Be very clear about what you plan to pay for on the vacation, so your child knows what to expect.

While on the trip, avoid the urge to tell your child “no” about anything that is not illegal or obviously age-inappropriate. If he has the available money, let him buy a stuffed animal or waste a couple of hours in the arcade. On the other hand, stand firm on what you told your child before the trip. If you told her that she was responsible for her own junk food, don’t add her ice cream cone to your bottled water purchase. As long as you provide the hotel room, regular meals and admissions, running out of spending money early in the trip can be a valuable lesson in the importance of moderation.

During the Trip
Of course, some of the best vacation moments are unplanned and unpredictable. Yet most of us still need to take a quick look at our funds before adding something major mid-trip. If you hear about a great restaurant, special show or other pricey opportunity, involve your child in the consideration. Give him an estimate of how much remains in the vacation budget and ask him whether he thinks the new opportunity is a wise choice. If the price is higher than you are comfortable with, give your child a chance to problem-solve. Can he find spots in the remaining vacation schedule to cut back?

Older kids, typically upper elementary and beyond, can learn to make value judgments based on subjective criteria, so give them a chance to practice. Is the new opportunity worth more than an upcoming meal or special event? Is it better to spend the money all in one shot, for two hours’ entertainment, or to spread it over two days of less-expensive experiences? You don’t necessarily need to turn the final decision over to your child, but give her time to think through all the pros and cons.

Back at Home
When you get home, review the trip as a family. Talk about your projected budget and how much you actually spent. Pay close attention to the cheapest and most expensive things you did. Discuss the high-priced events and decide as a family whether they were worth the money. Add up everything you paid $5 or less for, and compare the total to the individual prices of more expensive experiences. This helps your child see how seemingly meaningless purchases add up, providing an awareness that will stay with him for a lifetime. Keep the conversation upbeat, positive and reasonably short, staying focused on a logical, unemotional assessment that concludes with ideas for the future.

Dressing up in silly costumes is a great way to entertain kids.

Some families spend their vacation lounging on the beach. Others go hard sightseeing from early until late. No matter how active your family is, odds are good that at some point your kids will start whining about being bored. Keeping kids entertained can feel challenging, especially when you just want to relax, but advance planning can smooth the process.

New Stuff
It seems to be a fact of childhood that new stuff is always better than the things you already have. Play into this by purchasing some new toys, books, games, stickers and other small items in the weeks before your trip. These don’t need to be big or expensive, as the newness will make them exciting. Even dollar store items work well for most kids.

Divide the new stuff into small bags. When you know your kids are likely to be bored, such as on a plane or while waiting for a show to start, give them one bag. A fun idea for situations where you are sitting near other people at night, perhaps waiting for fireworks, is a bunch of glow sticks. They can pass some out to the kids sitting around them, breaking the ice with potential playmates.

Snacks
Time passes faster when you have something fun to focus on, so stock up on some playful treats. Of course, it’s always fun to try new things at your destination, such as lobster rolls in the Northeast or Dole Whips at Disney. Still, keeping a supply of snacks on hand keeps costs down and gives you something immediate that doesn’t require waiting in line.

If your family prefers healthy treats, search the Internet before your trip to find recipes for things that pack well. Many tourist destinations have worked hard to introduce healthier snack options, but they haven’t all caught up with today’s varied diets.

Games

Board games are a great way to wind down each evening.
photo by Peter Griffin

Dad and I recently spent a week in a condo with various friends and relatives. We took a variety of board games, which turned out to be a great way to wind down each evening. A deck of cards is easy to pack and extremely versatile. Even a pack of Post-It notes can turn into a fantastic guessing game.

Road trip games have been around for decades, and they are still a lot of fun in today’s always-connected age. Try looking for out of state license plates, playing the Alphabet Game, and other tried-and-true family fun.

Allowing some electronics time can make vacations run more smoothly.
photo by George Hodan

Electronics
Kids and electronics are a highly controversial issue, but there is no question that allowing some electronics time can make the vacation run more smoothly for both you and the kids. Set reasonable limits, such as requiring your child to spend a certain amount of his tablet time reading instead of playing games. Or turn it into a family bonding opportunity by plugging into the TV and watching a favorite movie or television series.

Imagination
Even in the digital age, imagination remains the most powerful boredom buster of all. Dress up in silly costumes. Make up games. Draw pictures. Tell a collaborative story in which each person gets one minute to give their contribution. It doesn’t matter exactly what you do, only that you stretch your imaginations together.

Journaling
Encourage your kids to keep a trip journal. Depending on their ages and interests, they might collect items for scrapbooking, draw pictures of the things around them, or write essays on what they did each day. Keeping a journal not only gives them something to do in the moment, but provides a tangible souvenir that is far more descriptive than photographs. It also helps them practice their powers of observation and hone their creative writing skills.

Making Their Own Fun

Kids are naturally creative, and usually entertain themselves.
photo by Peter Griffin

Not too long ago, kids were sent outside every summer morning to play until the street lights came on. While that isn’t a realistic option on vacation in today’s world, there is something to be said for allowing kids a certain amount of unstructured boredom. Kids are naturally creative, and they will eventually find a way to entertain themselves. Unless your kids are very small, don’t be afraid to retreat into your bedroom and instruct them not to bother you for an hour or two.

Dad and I recently spent a week in a two-bedroom condo with an ever-changing cast of characters that included both friends and relatives of all ages. The lessons we learned can help you ensure that your next extended family vacation is filled with loving memories rather than stress and arguments.

Communication Is Key

Traveling with this many extended family members was challenging but highly rewarding.

The purpose of the trip was my 12-year-old cousin’s participation in her first pageant. A three-day affair that required numerous costume changes and performances in different rooms of an elegant hotel, the pageant was all-consuming for her, her parents and her best friend. Dad wanted to see all the competitions, though not the rehearsals. My best friend and I wanted to attend a different event on the Saturday night of pageant weekend. I went to the rest of the pageant competitions, while my best friend made it to a few.

With everyone scheduled to come and go at different times between the condo and the pageant hotel, tempers were running high in the days before the trip. We all had copies of the pageant schedule, but my cousin’s family was unsure which of the rest of us would be where when. So I wrote an email detailing my schedule, Dad’s schedule, and my best friend’s schedule, and sent it to my cousin and each of her parents.

With written documents in hand, everyone knew where and when to expect everyone else to be. We all had cell phones, so we kept each other informed of delays and made plans on the fly as to exactly when and where to meet. As issues arose, such as where to hold my cousin’s celebration dinner, we were careful to sit down and discuss all of the factors rather than making assumptions.

Flexibility Is Crucial
My best friend works for Bluegreen Vacations, so she reserved a two-bedroom condo at the employee rate. This meant that our condo assignment was made at check-in. As it turns out, we were assigned to a disabled-accessible condo. The very low sink and microwave were easy to get used to, but the second bedroom had a double bed and a sleeper loveseat rather than two queens.

The first night, we had seven people in the condo. My cousin’s parents had the master bedroom, my dad was on the couch, and my cousin, her best friend, my best friend and I had the second bedroom. Since my cousin had pageant competitions the next day, and my best friend and I would come in late from our event that night, we gave the girls the bed and took the sleeper loveseat. We did our best to make it more comfortable, but the worn springs provided a miserable night’s sleep.

The next day, we began a series of bed rotations based on who would be at the condo on a particular night that resulted in me sleeping at various points in both beds with every female in the group. Constantly changing sleeping arrangements was not necessarily my idea of fun, but we all worked together to be flexible and open to things as they unfolded, resulting in a pleasant vacation overall.

Respect Is Important
My cousin’s parents are very early risers, but also tend to nap in the afternoons and go to bed early. Dad and I, along with my best friend, are night owls. The girls prefer staying up late when they don’t have to get up early, but school has them trained to be early risers when needed. Consequently, there was rarely an hour of the day that someone wasn’t asleep.

We were all careful to respect each other’s schedules and sleep habits. Dad, my cousin and I came in early one evening to find that her mother was in bed but not asleep. We sought permission from her before starting a board game that has a tendency to get loud. In exchange, she was very careful not to wake the household when she arose at 6 a.m.

Too Much Togetherness
There is such a thing as too much togetherness. Our group was particularly careful not to plan every moment together. We all arose when we wanted, ate breakfast on our own schedules and largely did our own things. When someone wanted to do something, such as the digital scavenger hunt at the resort, they inquired whether anyone wanted to join them, and everyone was free to say no.

Everyone needs downtime and space, even on vacation. Each of us had our moments of hiding out in one of the bedrooms, having some much needed alone time. We were also sensitive to when we needed to do more. When my cousin’s mother was exhausted and overwhelmed the day after the pageant, we all cleared out of the condo for a few hours to give her the room to decompress. Everyone made an effort to afford each other some privacy.

A trip with extended family can be an excellent way to build and strengthen bonds. But it only works if everyone is allowed to enjoy the vacation in their own way. Schedule a few group activities, but avoid the urge to over-plan. Invite people to join you in the things you do each day, but don’t be offended if they decline. Take advantage of the little moments when you and someone else happen to really synch up, rather than trying to force it. This will help ensure that you will go home with as many priceless memories as I did.